December 2010
19 posts
“Every time I look at your socks, I swear to God, it looks like underwear.”
– Ashleigh, on Louise’s feet.
Ashleigh: Did I tell you my cousin hugged me once? I was like, "Don't touch me, slut."
Steph: How old was she?
Ashleigh: She's six.
“No, this was supposed to stop.”
– My sister, as I was quoting her through Skype.
Skype.
Me: People are staying over tomorrow night. How many people can sleep in your room?
Sister: Do you have a friend that doesn't weigh anything? Or doesn't have any presence at all? Your imaginary friends are more than welcome to sleep on my bed.
“I figured out why they call them strawberries! You can put them in drinks with...”
– Ashleigh’s second cousin, aged six.
Riley, aged 2: Tigerman!
Andrea: Tigerman? Who's the tigerman?
Riley: You!
Andrea, disappointed: Me? I thought I was a woman.
Skypecall to Holland.
Sister: Even when we're riding bikes, you don't see any helmets here.
Me: Do they wear seat belts there?
Sister: Yes, on our bicycles. All the time.
“Yes, yes, I know HOW to jump. I’m telling you NOT to do it.”
– My cousin, to her baby brother.
“What a terrible end to the series!”
– A woman coming out of the cinema, having watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1.
Party.
Me: Are these what you call "shots"?
Ashleigh: No, these are frankfurts. You're an idiot.
Victoria: I'm gonna poke him on Facebook! You know those creepy people you don't know that poke you all the time?
Me: Nope.
Victoria: It's gonna be like that!
“That is not a terrible thing to say! I didn’t say I HOPED she died, I just...”
– Victoria, on Skype.
“I can’t hear you over the sound of my tea.”
– Tori, trying not to listen to Aaron.
“Best way to get over a hangover? Keep drinking, so you’re constantly...”
– Ashleigh, on her Schoolies experience.
Me: What happened to the Jubes?
Claudia: They're over there.
Sister: I thought you said 'What happened to the Jews'.
Claudia: Well, it's a long and sordid tale, beginning at about 1939.
Susannah: How have you never looked up the train timetable?
Me: I don't need to go on the train.
Susannah: What if you have to go to the City?
Me: What's there to do in the City?
Claudia, laughing: Ah, Pedro in a nutshell.
Submitted by @manifestprivate.
Louise: This place is so expensive, it makes me want to cry.
Dan: Trust me, it could be worse. We could be shopping in...oh, wait, we're in David Jones.
November 2010
39 posts
Sister: Chocolate?
Me: Yes, please.
Sister: No. I was just telling you what I was eating. I wasn't offering it to you. Look; a chair. I'm not giving you the chair, I'm just telling you where it is.